the old man and the sea

I must read Hemingway.  I must? Well, I did. I read about an old man and his struggles as a fisherman.  I learned of his hard work, dedication and perseverance. Although he was old and poor, he was experienced and still fought with and for the best of them.

The entire book was his struggle at sea, and his love and friendship with a young boy who cherished and looked up to the old man.  At sea, the old man has a continuous internal dialoge with himself about his life.  He compares himself to the fight a fish that he has caught is putting up.  The fish fights on the hook for days and at the end of it all, it is eaten by a shark and the fisherman returns home empty handed.

What? Empty handed? So what was the moral of the story.  I sat there dumbfounded.

Was it that he never gave up? And that when he returned home, he had gained the respect of his community and fellow fisherman because he had survived such a fate?

Was it the lesson of hard work and believing in yourself, no matter what - that failures are a part of life and make you stronger.  Or is it just simply a story about the old man and the sea?

more eat, pray, love

reading this book, or memoir, was like having first hand insight into Gilbert's thoughts - and to some very personal thoughts at that.  It wasn't what I anticipated.  The one impulse that made me pick up this book was the comment that someone made to me about it.  She said that it was just a regular girl that decided to change her life. That she just picked up and went travelling and became successful.  It intrigued me, I wanted to read about her journey from mediocrity to excellence.  However, from what I read, she had already achieved a certain amount of success and decided to leave it all. She was a successful writer, married, lived in New York, etc...

So, the truth is, she was not satisfied with what she had. Something was not right.

Gilbert makes a lot of astute observations and articulates certain feelings very clearly.  It isn't a book that is profound or that I admire.  It isn't even a book that I would recommend.  But it is a book that is quotable.  The quotes are not credited to Gilbert.  At least not the quotes that I like.  They are things that others have relayed to her and then have for one reason or another resonated with me.

Her experiences allowed me to remember things.  To remember what it is like to meet new people and the insights others can offer you.  The importance of being open to allow others in and to listen to what they have to say.  You never know who may come along, what might be said, and the lasting impressions that are made, can be priceless.

I would like to share one with you:

"...People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants.  But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.  But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah.  Too painful.  Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave..." (p. 149)

We all need these rare persons who shake us up, or shake us out, of a place that we may not even be conscious of.  Who are these "soul mates" that turn on a light bulb in our numb minds? Bless them, they are necessary.  But they are hard to let go.

eat, pray love - complete

well well well, I have certainly been curious these days about all the modern day hype on modern day journeys of modern day woman.  Single woman goes off to find herself - leaves broken and returns whole. All she needed was a little food, meditation and love.  If only it were that simple.

All in all, I love the concept of taking time for yourself to re-examine things - to look back on your life and the decisions you've made, to take some time to heal from hurtful experiences, or to simply view the world.

For Gilbert, she sought balance, she sought God, and she searched for these things by travelling through Italy, India and Indonesia, eating, praying and loving, respectfully.

To be continued...

jane eyre - complete

Tragic love stories, they somehow stir my inner core, but was this one really tragic?  If two lovers, after all has been said and done, find their way back to one another, isn’t that bliss? I won't comment on all that transpired between our intelligent Miss. Eyre and bold Mr. Rochester, but here's the ending wrapped up in a nice little bow for you to envision for yourself.  

Mr. Rochester, Jane's one love, her master, her hero, was rendered blind and armless because he climbed to the roof of his burning home to save a woman; this woman proceeded to jump off the roof and kill herself. This all happened while Jane was absent.  She had left Mr. Rochester because he was dishonest...oops, he just neglected to tell her that he already has a wife, who is actually locked up in the attic of the very house where they live and is the very same woman who jumped off the roof (she was not mentally sound).  Only classics are able to tell such an extraordinary story with such believability and eloquence. Modern day language could never get away with this, or it could, but minus the grace and beauty.

A year passed since Jane left her post as Governess for Mr. Rochester. She found her way in the world and discovered her talents, her voice and realized what she wanted most. They say time heals all, but Jane couldn't forget Mr. Rochester.  She thought of him often and this, or should I say "he", is who she wanted most.

She returned to the home where she experienced feelings of love for the first time.   She wanted to see the one man who suited her.

This passage is so rationally romantic:

"...To be together is for us to be at once as free as in solitude, as gay as in company.  We talk, I believe, all day long: to talk to each other is but a more animated and an audible thinking.  All my confidence is bestowed on him, all his confidence is devoted to me; we are precisely suited in character - perfect concord is the result." (p. 491) 

On her journey back to the home where she was a governess and where she first started to blossom into a woman, she learns of the tragedy of loss and death that had occurred just a few months after she left Thornfield Hall.  When she arrived, she watched Mr. Rochester, without his knowledge, and observed her hero as a blind and crippled man.  Her heart hurt and she wanted nothing more than to take care of him, to be his eyes and to be his guide. She loved him all the same, even more. She was finally fulfilled.

So, albeit, there are many moments, scenes, events that have been left out, but would you call this tragic? Or does your heart feel satisfied?

They went on to marry, have a child, and slowly, his sight began to appear... in one eye.

Here are some passages to leave you with, if only words were spoken like this today – 

"I know what it is to live entirely for and with what I love best on earth." (p. 490)

"To be privileged to put my arms round what I value - to press my lips to what I love - to repose on what I trust: is that to make a sacrifice? If so, then certainly I delight in sacrifice." (p. 485)

writing down the bones: freeing the writer within

New pace these days and it goes like this: ignore my old list, buy a new book, read it and blog about it.  I love it.  This is a book that offers some reality about being a writer. Reading about experiences from Natalie Goldberg's own journey, provides some good insight on how one would take the leap of faith and just start writing.  It is also very practical - talks about the good, the bad and the ugly.  

This book took me on an interesting journey - when I started it, I felt discouraged.  The idea of just writing notebooks and notebooks of junk, seemed so useless.  But "writing practice" is about training the mind to write, to record those "first thoughts" that are so raw and true and honest.

It is one of those books (like all books I guess) that you use your critical mind to extract what you will from it.  By the end of it, I had a number of blue dots (this is what I do when there is an interesting passage that I want to return to at a later date) beside various paragraphs towards the end of the book.

Here is one 'blue dot":

'If you begin too exactly, you will stay precise but never hit the exact mark that makes the words vibrate with the truth that goes through the present, past, and future." p. 165

In other words, let go, be free to write as you want to write, with no constraints. Wander, test and try. You can always return to accuracy.

the happiness project - complete

This book didn't sit long on my bookshelf.  In fact, it never saw the shelf.  I bought it, read it and shared it.

So yes, this was another new addition to the list.  Why The Happiness Project? I was at the bookstore in a particular frame of mind and the book was directly in front of me.  Someone had recently talked about it and I just "felt" like I had to buy it.  Yikes, did I act on a feeling?  What's happening to me?

I didn't blog as I was reading this one, I felt an urgency to get through it and I thought that blogging would slow me down.  Why the urgency? Perhaps because I was too curious to find out if Rubin (the author) found her happiness by the end of the year and more importantly, how she found it. Perhaps because I am struggling with my own level of happiness (or level of satisfaction of my life, to be more accurate). Or perhaps because I was reading along with a friend, and I felt a little inner competition to finish it first.

This concept of doing something for a year keeps being passed around, people doing different things, for different reasons for a certain period of time.  To make a commitment, to try something new, to change your environment, to create "an atmosphere of growth", as Gretchen puts it, all assist in creating happiness. How can we continue to do the same thing for an extended period of time and expect to feel alive?

Rubin's key question to ask yourself is:  In this moment of your life, what makes you feel good, bad and/or right?  The answers may lead you somewhere.

The Happiness Project was interesting and Rubin drew some valid conclusions about her personal findings throughout the year.  More than anything, I think she exposed a real and human side of herself that almost everyone can relate to.  She wrote about her flaws and daily struggles to the public.  This prompts others to take a real honest look at themselves as they see others have the same imperfections.  Rather then deny or hide, they can accept and improve.

She taught, by example, a way to improve ourselves and to reach our potential as human beings.  Simple concepts, not new, but renewed & equally important.

We underestimate the meaning of happiness in our lives.  My definition of happiness was to live according to my values.  More simply, Be Me.

understanding stocks

CANSLIM

This is an acronym for the characteristics of picking winning stocks! Created by William O'Neil, here is what it stands for:

C: current quarterly earnings per share
A: annual earnings increase
N: new products, new managements, new highs
S: supply and demand
L: leader or laggard
I: institutional sponsorship
M: market direction

Are your stocks CANSLIM?  And yes, there is an explanation of each one of these attributes, so if you have any questions, just ask!

Jane Eyre

Up to Chapter 14

I guess we all struggle with wanting more from life.  More than what our present situation dictates.  Jane is already restless, having spent a short while, some three months, as a governess in Lowood, her mind is dreaming, her vision is expanding.  As a reminder, for ALL my followers, she left the boarding school where she lived from the time she was ten years old.  She is now a confident eighteen.  She left because she felt a yearning for something different, something new.  This sensation is stirring yet again within her.

"...I desired more of practical experience than I possessed; more of intercourse with my kind, of acquaintance with variety of character than was here within my reach." (p.114)

The household that she now stays at is called Thornfield Hall.  The owner of the house, Mr. Rochester, has just arrived, he is stern, abrupt, and demanding.  This doesn't seem to phase Jane. Something tells me that there is much more to come between Mr. Rochester and Jane.

Jane Eyre

Up to Chapter 10.

Little Miss Jane Eyre has quite a feisty personality.  Her youth and mental immaturity fault her in not being able to tame it.  In her 12 years of life she has lost both parents, lost her uncle, endured emotional and physical abuse from her foster mother and family, and most recently has lost Hellen, who she befriended at boarding school.  She has endured great loss that only a developed individual can conceptualize.  Cast aside by her "foster' mother and enrolled in an all girls boarding school, she is beginning to flourish. All you need is one human to believe in you and encourage you - for Jane, this was Miss. Temple.  Kind, strict but fair - Miss. Temple has opened her spirit and has given her hope to develop into a deserving and productive human being.

Leave it to a classic to offer some meaningful insights. The hype that is created about new ideas in recent times - it was already said, somewhere, some place, in one of the classics and much more eloquently:

"If all the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends" (pg. 70)

So - in modern day language -  just believe in yourself and the rest will follow!

understanding stocks

I am reading the chapter that talks about investment strategies to make money s-l-o-w-l-y.  It includes brief explanations of types of strategies - a plan that helps you determine what stocks to buy or sell.  I think I may have discovered my investment style - but really at the end of the day it is trial and error to know what works for your lifestyle in practical terms. And, as we know, there are no guarantees of making money through the stock market.

One of the strategies is "Buy and Hold", simply meaning that if you buy stock in a fundamentally sound company and hold if for the long term, you will realize a profit. This strategy seems to have worked pretty well for Warren Buffet, one of the most successful 20th Century buy and hold investors!!!

Next chapter - how to make money fast!!

understanding stocks

I couldn't have asked for a clearer introduction to the stock market.  It is one of those books that gives you the instantaneous "ah ha" moments.  The author hits the necessary points for a general overview of stocks, the stock market, and how to invest.  I would recommend this book to anyone that has had limited to no exposure to the world of NYSE, Nasdaq, Wall Street, Bear, Bull, Mutual Funds, Bonds, and so on...

The stock market is a new way of seeing and understanding how the world prospers or flounders.

More than one at at time

I am reading three books and, surprisingly, liking each one of them for different reasons:

1.  Jane Eyre - It's a classic, thought provoking & insightful

2. Under the Tuscan Sun - Descriptive, enjoyable (how do you say - delightful to read), and inspiring
This book is somehow soothing to absorb. The way Mayes describes her experience thus far in Italy and the process of deciding on a home to purchase is realistic and interesting. She describes her observations and interactions with Italian people with such love and affection.  I am so curious to learn what comes next.

3. Understanding Stocks - Informative, provides the feeling of "I finally understand how the stock market works".

I would recommend this book to anyone who is seeking a clear, concise understanding of the basics of the stock market.  It is a great starting point. Stay tuned for more posts on this book. So, do you know how the term "Wall Street" evolved? I do!

Jane Eyre

chapter 3 & 4

The girl is starting to stand up for herself - way to go Jane! There is really only so much resentment, pain, anger, hurt, sadness one can harbor, sooner or later it starts pouring out, and from Jane, it has started spewing.

What I find interesting, or almost as a disconnect, is that the novel is written in first person, through Jane's eyes, and Jane, at the moment, is about 11 years old.  For an eleven year old she has incredible insight, here's a sample of her understanding of childhood and her inability to express the injustice of adults taking advantage of defenselessness children:

Context: Jane was asked why she was unhappy and her inner dialogue progresses as follows:

"How much I wished to reply fully to this question! How difficult it was to frame my answer! Children can feel but they can not analyze their feelings; and if the analysis is partially effected in thought, they know not how to express the process in words..." ( p. 19)

Can you remember when you were a child and "felt" injustice? Was it possible to protect yourself with words and confidence?

New Reading Path

There are a few new books that I have purchased to replace some of those on the existing "unread list".  Why the change, what happened? Life happened. Insights happened. A call for change happened.

For the change I want, I need to learn, so here are the new books/items that I bought today:

1. World Map
2. Investing for Canadians (For Dummies)
3. Understanding Stocks
4. Under the Tuscan Sun
5. A new journal that says on it:

"She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered around her, writing "yes" in the sky."

Who else wants to grasp everything they can from this earth?

Jane Eyre

Chapters 1 -2

Poor little Jane Eyre.  I would equate her to Cinderella, step child, wicked step mother and as good as she is, it doesn't hold up towards the evilness of some and so Jane suffers.  She isn't connected to the family through blood but through obligation.  Jane was orphaned as an infant, both parents dying. Her uncle made a last dying wish to Mrs. Reed (his wife) to take care of Jane as her own.  Impossible!

She is abused by her wicked little Master John (a real son of Mrs. Reed) and of course rather than John being punished, Jane endures the trauma and with the latest event she has been cast off to the "red room" for punishment.

Here is how she is treated by even the servants of the home:

"Jane, I don't like cavilers or questioners; besides, there is something truly forbidding in a child taking up her elders in that manner.  Be seated somewhere; and until you can speak pleasantly, remain silent." (pg. 1)

the count of monte cristo - quote

Page 923:

Some of the quotes that I post are because the articulation of the point that is being made is so concise and precise that I don't want to forget the message.

Here is one such quote.  Caderousse (again, one of the conspirators that caused the Count's wrongful imprisonment) is begging the Count to stay quiet to spare his life (yet again):

Count:

"Do you think that, in order to ensure a living for wretches like you, I should become a party to their deception and an accomplice to their crime?"

Next time, say this to someone who's values are depraved and they are asking for your help (you may have to tweak it just a little).

the count of monte cristo - quote

pg. 920

The count responding to Caderousse (one of the conspirators that caused his wrongful imprisonment) on his rationalization of doing wrong:

Count:
"Necessity may make a man beg for alms or steal a loaf at the baker's door, but not come and crack the lock of a bureau in a house that he thinks is uninhabited.  When the jeweler Johannes had just paid you forty-five thousand francs in exchange for the diamond that I gave you, and you killed him so that you could have both the diamond and the money, was that also necessity?"

How greedy are your inner thoughts?

While on travels, large euro bills fell from an innocent, unsuspecting Asian man's pocket who was struggling with an ''English-Italian" dialogue at the ticket booth of the Trenitalia train station in Venice, Italy.  I walked up with urgency, picked up the Euros and gave them to him.  To be a good samaritan?  No.  I found that the first thought that went through my mind was, someone else has seen what I have seen and they are going to snatch it...hurry!

Is this the ugly view of humankind that I have?

the count of monte cristo - quote

pg. 788

Passage between Maximilien (faithful friend to the Count) and Valentine (Maximilien's love) when Valentine has expressed that she may go ahead with the marriage that has been arranged for her:

Maximilien:
"I am selfish and an egoist, as you say; and, as such, I do not think of what others would do in my position, only of what I intend to do.  I think that I have known you for a year; that, on the day we met, I wagered all my chances of happiness on your love; that the day came when you told me that you loved me; and that from that day forward I have staked all my future on having you.  This has been my life. Now, I no longer think anything.  All I can tell myself is that fate has turned against me, that I expected to win heaven and I have lost it.  It happens everyday that a gambler loses not only what he has, but also what he does not have."

Melodramatic? Or appropriate? When you stake your deams in one person, this is the trauma that results.  Is the lesson not to stake such greatness on the actions and choices of another human being?

the count of monte cristo - complete

I completed The Count of Monte Cristo yesterday on a plane returning home from Italy. I just wanted to cry and clutch the book tight.  Sounds dramatic I know.  This book is deeply philosophical.  It makes you examine your own life, your own past, your own choices.  Am I good?  What is good? Good for whom? What are my virtues/vices?  What role, if any, does god play in my life?

The story takes you on a journey and follows the complicated life, goals and pursuit of vengeance of one extraordinary human being. How life can change for someone from one single event and the successive chain of events that unravel from it.

There are a number of great passages that I want to quote and will do this in separate posts to follow with my comments attached.  There are quotes that I will want to return to as they articulate thoughts so precisely.

Good-bye Count.

I feel today that it must have been difficult to end the story for the author, Dumas, to say goodbye to the life of the count, or to find the appropriate ending and return to reality. It is such a fulfilling journey of life. As the Count says, all human wisdom is contained in "hope" and "wait".

the count of monte cristo

I can confidently say that I have finally passed HALF WAY! Congratulations to me! Page 669.

I have to finish this book before my upcoming travels so three weeks to fully dedicate myself to this! I can do it!

This book is far too complicated to blog a running commentary of what is happening and I wouldn't want to ruin it for anyone...you know ALL my readers! (jk)

What I can do is quote some of the deeply touching passages, quotes or sections that I come across.  So here is one that reads almost like poetry:

The count is describing himself:
"I am one of those exceptional human beings, and I believe that, before today, no man has found himself in a position similar to my own.  The kingdoms of kings are defined, either by mountains or rivers, or by a change in customs or by a difference in language; but my kingdom is as great as the world, because I am neither Italian nor French, nor Hindu, nor American, nor a Spaniard; I am a cosmopolitan.  No country can claim to be my birthplace.  God alone knows in what region I shall die.  I adopt every custom, I speak every tongue....In this way, you see, being of no country, asking for the protection of no government and acknowledging no man as my brother, I am not restrained or hampered by a single one of the scruples that tie the hands of the powerful or the obstacles that block the path of the weak. I have only two enemies: I shall not say two conquerers because with persistence I can make them bow to my will: they are distance and time.  The third and most awful is my condition as a mortal man.  Only that can halt me on the path I have chosen before I have reached my appointed goal. Everything else is planned for. I have foreseen all those things that men call the vagaries of fate: ruin, change and chance.  If some of them might injure me, none could defeat me.  Unless I die, I shall always be what I am.  This is why I am telling you things that you have never heard, even from the mouths of kings, because kings need you and other men fear you."

Do you find this passage inspiring? Does something turn in your soul? Does it make you feel a sense of loneliness? Sadness? Strength?

the count of monte cristo

back at Starbucks taking advantage of the two hours of free internet.

here's some genius from Dumas:

pg. 523

the premise being, Bertuccio, one of Dantes many hires, prior to working for Dantes had committed a murder to avenge his brother.  On the night of the murder, he saw his victim burying his new born child. After Bertuccio killed this man, he dug up the child and took it home for his sister to raise.

as Bertuccio is relaying these events to Dantes aka The Count of Monte Cristo, the Count clarifies what the real crime was - that Bertuccio did not return the child to its mother. Here was Bertuccio's response:

"But to do that I should have had to make enquiries, attract attention and perhaps give myself away. I did not want to die: I was attached to life because of my sister-in-law, and because of that innate vanity which makes us want to remain whole and victorious after a vendetta; and, then, perhaps I was attached to life simply for the love of it."

The genius is how Dumas can get right to the heart of human motivation.

the count of monte cristo

page 521 of 1243.

Guaranteed to feel enriched upon reading this book! The way this story has developed is...can't find the right word - more than brilliant, more than extraordinary, more than impressive.  Don't you think authors exit from reality for a while as they produce such pieces of work?

Since Edmond Dantes escaped from prison, the life that he has created for himself is complicated - the choices he has made, the people he has befriended, the places he has gone.  It is so intertwined with pain and anger of senselessly losing his innocence, love, dreams, and future. His understanding of peoples motivations is superhuman through his deep understanding of philosophical explanations.  The path he has taken seems to be routed nonetheless in revenge and how this plays out is yet to be seen.  He has the means to everything he desires, yet he's ruined. This is my interpretation of him. He will never regain what was taken from him.

i'm back after a brief absence from my bookshelf

Here at Starbucks with two hours of free internet, it was time to reinstate my blogging time.

After a brief absence in "dealing with life", I am back on track and still aiming for my November goal - no more unread books I said, well I meant it!

Although that particular bookshelf no longer exists (I have moved homes), the unread books certainly do and they are now sitting in a drawer, yelling at me to be read. I hear you! 

So here're where I am at - to make me feel a little better about this brief departure from my goal, I would like to say that I have been reading but not enough.  I am fully engrossed in "The Count of Monte Cristo" (amazing) & still struggling with "How Religion Poisons Everything" (actually, I have to force myself to pick it up!).

To summarize, I am back, I am on track and stay tuned for my deliciously, engaging blogs.